离开我

再听一次 《离开我》.

你会不会好一点？
想了很久，我做了这个决定。我觉得是好的，对我们彼此都好。

不知道... 可是我觉得，你会很开心。
可能我这样说，是有自私以及霸道的成分在，但是打从心底，我真的觉得你会好一点。

也有可能是我对自己没有信心吧~

不管怎样。我祝福你。
我也希望你可以搞好你的生活，让它规划一点，规律一点。
而且，不要再轻易说爱。

因为，不确定就别亲吻，感情很容易毁了一个人。
我希望你会更加珍惜下一个投入你怀里的人。

我呢，就要好好的继续走下去，不一定要寻找另一个王子。
不过，我要寻找我人生的幸福。

就告于段落。谢谢你....

.......咖啡馆停止营业........

自杀

亲爱的各位，我不知道我的头脑是用什么做的。
你们可以告诉我吗？

我真的很想杀死我自己，因为我的头脑真的很难控制。
我想要控制我的头脑，但是科学告诉我，头脑才是控制我的东西。
所以我该怎么办咧？
杀掉我的头脑，还是杀掉我？
不过其实都是一样的啦~

Anyway，我真的有点累。
累，我现在的处境。
累，我的性格。
累，我的缺点。
累，我的工作。
累，人与人之间的感情。
累，生活和人生。
累，金钱。
累，还有很多很多。

都不懂是我自己拿来累的，还是这是人生必经之路。
但是，我是真的很累。

如果有一天，我的电话完全不响，那我觉得是一件非常非常值得感恩的事情。
电话一直响，真的很累。

如果有一天，我不再重犯错误，那我就会很安心，什么都顺顺利利。
重犯错误，真的很累。

如果有一天，所有人都以爱为出发点，爱护自己，也爱护别人，人间有真情，那有多好。
你争我斗，真的很累。

如果有一天，我不再戴着面具，我放开心胸，去接受每一个人，真的会很轻松。
躲在防护罩里，真的很累。

如果有一天，我找到了适合自己的工作，永远都不再为工作压力而烦恼，那就是人间享受。
工作压力，真的很累。

如果有一天，生活就像铺好的黄金路，美丽堂皇的让我一步一步地走向它，真是美好！
生活和人生，真的很累。

如果有一天，金钱对我来说，只是废纸，那不就发达了！
当金钱的奴婢，真的很累。

如果有一天，没有那些，很多很多累人的事情，那就不累了咯！
所以，就是要杀掉我的头脑才能中止一切吗？
哈哈！我疯了。

不想睡

不知怎么的，睡不着到很严重！
可能刚刚中午是太甜蜜了吧，导致我有点糖份过高，精力充沛。

老公回国了，惊喜连连。好开心哦！
不愧是我猜到的那样，因为很怕愿望不会实现，所以不敢去期望，
也只透漏这个小小心愿给一个人听。
不让小精灵听见，把我的愿望给抢走。
所以它实现了！

这次给了我们很大的考验，虽然不能天天见面，但他至少不是离我几千万公里那么远。
他就只是在公车可以到的距离的一个地方。

今早弄了早餐给他，感到很温馨。
是我第一次的付出，也是他第一次的接受。
其实，想一想，我也不是能做出什么好料出来。哈哈！
真的是死板板的。

感谢他带回来了Max Brenner's 的巧克力！
我带他回家的约定，是我这一次的心愿。
希望会实现。

预祝我这一次的十二月，像是去年的一样，窝心的度过。
好吗？

试探器

今天，又被拿来试探了。
好累哦。
有时候真的讨厌自己太过于 阿Q 的做人态度。
因为，把东西看得太开，是一个错误。
会被别人误以为，你不在乎。

还....蛮伤心的。
因为，你明明没有这样想。但....人家就是这样觉得。
有什么办法呢？

耸耸肩，生命还是得继续过。

Leave

我挥一挥袖，不带走一片云彩

Forever & Ever

When I was walking in to my room, all tired.
Im thinking of you, the faraway you.
I wondered, how long will this lasts?
There's only an answer in my heart, Forever & Ever.

After I get out from the bathroom, all cleaned.
I open up the message thread that we we correspond everyday,
You talked about this too. About our planning.
About...our future.

I was really moved.
Although its just a few sentences, but I know its from your heart.
The most important thing is, our thoughts are synchronized.
What I want is what you wanted as well.
I am really really delighted!

There is no other person that able to bear with all the bad things about me:
Narcissism
Short-term memory
Sweet Addiction
Carelessness
Untidiness
Stingy & Petty
Laziness
Big Spender
Secretive (a little...hehe)
This is what I could think of as at now...haha! Maybe more...

But I know you still love me...

Im praying really hard for this.
I don't want 5 years, but 10 years, 20 years and more.
I want Forever & Ever...
Our "Cafe (KæFé)" will be open 24 hours until the day we leave this place.

"你用吃完的糖果纸　
那是你的方式　默默的写下你发誓
你说　保护我一辈子
那一秒突然看到了你　背后的双翅"

I wanna Hold Your Hand...

Missing your kiss,
Missing your smiley eyes.
Missing the dreamy voice beside my ears,
Missing the familiar scent,
Missing the heartbeat,
Missing the palm I used to hold on.

Although we are miles apart,
Im still thinking of you everyday...

Prayers for Bobby

Outstanding Movie. Superbly Great!
Based on a true story. From a book written by Leroy F. Aarons.
A story about a gay man who committed suicide because of his sexual orientation and intolerance from her homophobic religious mother and the community.
The movie is impactful, easily engaged by the audience. It wrapped up all the important contents in 1 and a half hour. Showing how scary it is to feel unaccepted, rejected and alone. Importance of family bonding, truthful to your love ones. And of course, what is love?

Im glad I watched the movie with you.
Thanks for wiping the tears away.
xoxo,
Felix

Fiction: A Christmas Carol

You told me you were out of town.

I sat alone in my room after work, doing some usual chores. Clicking on my mouse, browsing webpages on my computer. Nothing special for the empty night. Facebook, Twitter, Plurk seems a little boring today. I stumbled upon the phrase I posted few days before.

Growing up has covered the magic with a veil...we all forgot how we believed in Santa when we were young.

I tuned in some Christmas Carols to create a joyful, merry ambiance. Following the melody & sing with the lyrics. Have yourself....A Merry...Little Christmas...
Flipped through messages of you and me, the last one in my mailbox from you was:
'How I wish I can make you some warm energetic drinks everytime you work'

Indeed , I miss you so much. Hoping to see you everytime after work. To feel the emptiness, I indulged myself with the thick sweetness of Max Brenner's milk chocolate. It melted on the tip of my tongue and ends with a crunch of waffle crisp. Crunch!

My phone rang! The other side on the line were you. As usual, we tucked each other in bed by words & kiss each other goodnight. Felt not so real but at least, there's still a spark...

Before going to bed alone, I chatted with one of my best friends on the chatbox. Something unpleasant happened and I want to be there to comfort my friend. So we chatted, we laughed. It passed midnight and reached 1:30am on the clock.

My phone ranged again. On the screen was from my dearest you. I picked up the phone and giggled: "You caught me! I am still up!" We chatted for a while and this time is real, I have to go to bed. The clock struck the last quarter of the hour and I said goodbye to my friend then runs to my bed as if you were waiting for me...

This time, my phone beeped:
"Hey, I've got a surprise. Can you wait for 15 minutes? You can wait on the bed coz something is gonna happen soon" -You

My lips curved and I thought:
That's a little creepy, but I can't wait to see it. What will it be? My feelings were all messed up and I couldn't close my eyes. The 15 minutes is like 15 days and I waited impatiently.

After 15 minutes, my phone beeped again. It says:
"Still believe in Santa? Check your front door and you 'll get what you wanted." - You
I covered my mouth from over excited screaming and walked myself to the front wooden door. It's heavier than usual and I slowly peeped from the gap when I opened it. It's a bag. Hanging at the outside gate.

Inside the bag was a purple sweater you wore last time which I told you I loved it so much. I was sad because I thought you will be the present that Santa gave. But Santa gave something from your past...

I called you and questioned impatiently:" Where are you? Why is this here? What happened?"
You grinned and said nothing but asked me to wait again.

My heartbeat was running really fast and you left me hanging on in the middle of the night. I paced around in my room then sat on the bed, holding the sweater and read your message again.

The phone beeped for the 3rd time.
"Present present's here" - You

I quickly ran to the door but still open it cautiously. My heart shrank again because it wasn't you. But I saw the thick frame glasses I chose for you on top of a singlet with your signature scent on it. I can feel that you are really near. I tip toed and looked at the corridor anxiously, hoping that you will pop out somewhere and I rather to be scared than waiting you for ages. I quickly message you saying that Santa made a mistake, I want the whole present but not only part of it.

Then you returned a message again:
"Follow him to the dark...." - You

All of a sudden, the melody of a song from Death Cab for Cutie, I will Follow you into the Dark rises from the far end of the corridor. I can't get it at first, but slowly found this familiar tune.

"If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
I'll follow you into the dark"

Middle of the night, its windy and chilly. I was so excited. Mixed feelings all in one. Should I walk out? Or shouldn't I? What if there are more surprises? What if I see something that wasn't what I expected? What if I see you...

I stepped outside the door, barefooted. Slowly followed the music along the corridor. Chilly winds raised a few strands of my hair. I hold my mobile phone very tight and my heartbeat is still racing. The music is approaching whenever I stepped ahead, nearer...and nearer.

Slowly I reached the end, and I saw you squatting down the floor gave me a smile. You were wearing the same sweater you bought for me but in black colour. You stood up and gave me a teddy-bear hug. You whispered on my ears.

"Darling, this is the present of the future, it's me" - You

It totally surprised me and I was really touched. Santa's great, right now I have all the presents from the past, present & future. My happiest day ever and we were surrounded by happiness.

That night, I wasn't alone at all.

xoxo,
Felix
A short story that I would like to dedicate to my beloved dear.

I Love... (7)

I love your new hairstyle...
你把头发给剪短了，更有味道！


xoxo,
Felix

Hot Winter

Time flies, its the end of Year 2010 now.
Its damn fast! I just flashed back few things that I had done this year
And I couldn't really remember what I did.

This proves that, time is passing really fast.
Last year December, I was doing my internship in JB and living a quite monotonous life.


Last Last year's December, I was working and having LOADS of fun in America.
All these things happened just like yesterday.
Feel so close but yet so far.


This year's December,
I can say that it's optimistically fantastic.
Im back to JB for my Dad's 53 year old birthday,
We whipped up a meal and had a cozy home-cooked dinner.

Christmas is around the corner again, parties & meet ups. Yeah!
Prezziesss =) Heeheeheeheeheeheeheehee~
So happy to see all the decorations around Pavillion
Giant mistletoes, Huge Christmas trees, and White reindeer carts
Awwwww....

In order to hit the sales target, we are having a competition!!
Battle of the 2 teams in TSPV..The store is so hyped up now!
Had lots of fun during work, we are fighting over the sales and cheering for our own team.
This really boost up our energy during work!

Someone special walked into my life.
Who makes me feel that love & happiness is still around.
I really hope that, there's no obstacles or boundaries between us.
And I really want it to....last.

Its gonna be a hot winter, a hot hot winter. <3

I Love... (6)

I love when I said:
I like this person, the tan skin colour looks really cute

Your replied with full of jealousy:
Its a sunny day today, and I am tanned as well!

*giggles*

Run

What if the situation let us to?
Where will I be?
Where will you go?

Looking pictures of more and more places,
It makes me have the urge to go everywhere with you.

But first,
I would run straightaway to your heart...

I Love You Forever - Jewel

Promise me... when we miss each other,

We listen to the winds.

That's when we try to communicate to each other even though we are miles apart..

*Still can't get off the cute kiddie voice of yours singing this song in my head...laughs*

I Love You Forever - Jewel

You and I walking slowly

Hand in hand

Footprints in the sand

Watch the wind as it plays

Throwing shadows across your face

The sky was so blue

Your eyes so green

The air glittering

So sudden, so swift

Love came to us

Just like a gift

I lived here, you lived far away

Our lives called us back, no we could not stay

With a sad sort of smile you took my hand

Said while we're apart you hope I understand that...

You'll be holding me

And I'll be holding you

Through those long nights

My love will be pulling you through

When you see the stars

Pretend they're my arms

When you feel the air

That is me kissing you there

Say you love me

And I will say I love you

No distance could ever make that untrue

When I'm far away

I'll reach through time and space

When you hear the wind

You'll hear me saying

I love you forever

Fast forward our love story

I still remember that day

Her small precious face

You stared into her eyes

Hypnotized by her smile

But your job meant you had to travel

But we weren't ready for you to go

You held our daughter with a sad sort of smile

Said while we're apart I want you to know that...

God forbid there'll come a day

When the light in my eyes fades away

But from your hearts I will not go

No bounds shall my spirit know, cause

I Love... (5)

I love your messages..
Your messages are like poems..
But I know its originally written by you...
(KW)
Yes, I can feel you beside me with the goodnight hugs, kisses & whispers
Waiting for you till December
Miss you lots
Like....Seriously...

*p/s: I cant sleep without your voice..OMG!

xoxo
Felix

I Love... (4)

Thanks for picturing our 1st date. I will keep on waiting for the day to come
Love ya...

xoxo
Felix

Say Ok?

A song dedicated to you...

One day on the way to work, my iPod shuffled this song.
It suits the relationship between you & me now.
Although everything went fast....but, smoothly.

Its very kind of you to tell me all those things today.
I am really touched.
That's why I confessed to you about your big reaction that day which moved me a lot..
This needs a lot of courage, as I told you I am not an "all out" person.

You & I both know that Trust is important.

But I don't want to be into you If you're not looking for true love
If you don't treat me the right way

When you told me: I would like to take the risk.
I am speechless and honestly, I believe everything that you said.

I know relationships need commitments to maintain.
So, now, I will say: I would love to.

Because you already made me feel better at all times,
You made me feel comfortable..
You made me feel safe..
I feel sparks...

=I know its damn cheesy, but its really what I felt for you=
=So, Please don' t runaway...=

You are fine
You are sweet
But I'm still a bit naive with my heart
When you're close I don't breathe
I can't find the words to speak
I feel sparks
But I don't want to be into you
If you're not looking for true love
No I don't wanna start seeing you
If I can't be your only one so tell me

When it's not alright
When it's not OK
Will you try to make me feel better?
Will you say alright?
Will you say OK?
Will you stick with me through whatever?
Or run away
Say that it's gonna be alright. That it's gonna be OK
Say OK.

When you call I don't know if I should pick up the phone every time
I'm not like all my friends who keep calling up the boys, I'm so shy
But I don't want to be into you
If you don't treat me the right way
See I can only start seeing you
If you can make my heart feel safe

When it's not alright
When it's not OK
Will you try to make me feel better?
Will you say alright?
Will you say OK?
Will you stick with me through whatever?
Or run away
Say that it's gonna be alright. That it's gonna be OK
Don't run away, don't run away

Let me know if it's gonna be you
Boy, you've got some things to prove
Let me know that you'll keep me safe
I don't want you to run away so
Let me know that you'll call on time
Let me know that you'll help me shine
Will you wipe my tears away
Will you hold me close and say

When it's not alright
When it's not OK
Will you try to make me feel better
Will you say alright?
Will you say OK?
Will you stick with me through whatever?
Or run away
Say that it's gonna be alright. That it's gonna be OK
Say OK
Don't run away, don't run away
Will you say OK
That it's gonna be OK

I Love... (3)

When I asked you:
What does Newcastle have?

You said:
Erm... grapes, vineyards, you can drink wine, visit the prison, go to beaches,
and....also me! =)


xoxo
Felix

I Love... (2)

I will brush my teeth everyday for you =)


xoxo
Felix

I Love..

I love you when you said:

"I am always energetic when I am around
with a person that I am comfortable with..."
and gave me that shy look

xoxo
Felix